Dear 83 year old self,
It’s the future, right? A place where cellphones are microchips in ear lobes, not recycling is a criminal offence and kids don’t know what vowels are. Is there anyway you could pay someone/build your own time machine, pop on a pair of skinny jeans (those are huge now) and swing past and answer a few burning questions?
1. Do you still have fish? There’s this rumour going around that they will be extinct by 2048. Fish and gingers, apparently?
2. Is that weight machine at gym that I do so endlessly ever going to give me perfectly sculptured arms?
3. As I always secretly suspected, do the Jolie-Pitt kids have joint presidency of America?
4. Is it true that you can’t imagine a time before the Gautrain took everyone everywhere? I really hope so.
5. Who wins? Work me or housewife me? Please just tell me, please.
6. Does time really heal all? And if not do the scientists of the future create some kind of heal-all machine?
7. Do we in this past seem kind of silly for going so crazy over a little thing called facebook?
8. In the future, is there anything that Woolworths doesn’t sell? Cars? Coffins? Cobras?
9. Do I ever find my way, my place? If so, do share, do.
10. Do Kinderjoy Eggs of the future have animatronic pets in them instead of little plastic toys? If not, maybe share this idea with those scientists.
Please tell all my beloved friends in the Old Age Palace that we share that I love them and can’t wait for decades of adventures. Also, when you get here you can say things like ‘Epic Fail’ and ‘What would Gaga do?’ . Those will help you to blend in.
I promise to always floss and take care of my knees. In the mean time, you get going on that time machine.